"I meant to ask her to 'go-steady'," my dad recalled the story... "She said she was taking a guy to a group school event and I couldn't have that. So, I drove to her school, picked her up and was ready to ask her to go-steady. Yet, somehow my words got mixed up and instead of saying, 'Will you go steady with me?' I said, 'Will you... Marry Me?!' Then, before I had a chance to correct myself, she said, 'Yes!'" And so the engagement began. Shortly thereafter on August 30, 1958 my parents married. Today, they are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary!
My sister Amy and I have always been so grateful for their wonderful marriage. And, for their anniversary, Amy, Greg, Wendy and I took them on a Caribbean cruise.
During the cruise, besides making many wonderful memories together, my parents answered my question, “What is the secret to a successful marriage?” For whatever reason, I had never directly asked them this before. Go figure. Their answer was simple, profound and they said it in unison! What’s their secret? “Give in!” they both said.
“Give in?” I questioned. Initially, it sounded like some extreme co-dependent, weak response but, in reality, it takes a lot of strength. “Yes, learn to give in,” my dad continued. They shared that in the long run (if there is to be one) the little stuff that seems so important day to day can be the seed of unnecessary destruction. I found it fascinating that a couple who is actually celebrating their 50th anniversary (a place only 1 in 20 marriages reach) both responded with such a simple answer. I know that there are countless books on marriages teaching to meet the others’ needs, learn to listen (guys stop problem solving!), respect and love, and so on and on. However, in a simple way, a lot of that is naturally covered with the “give in” concept. Think about it, usually to “not give in” comes down to ego or pride. Pride is when everything revolves around “I”—P R “I” D E. Get your ego and pride out of the way and giving in probably won’t be such a big deal.
More specifically, my dad shared with me as long as it passes his two rules test: 1-It doesn’t compromise a value or moral principle, 2-It doesn’t put anyone in danger, then let it go. With that, he shared it acts as his guide to not control the things that truly don’t matter yet alerts him to those things that do. Wow…good stuff! I had never known this philosophy in 50 years of their marriage. It is powerful. Implement it in your own relationships and watch how much you ‘let go.’ Perhaps, it will make the difference for you to enjoy 50 years of marriage as well as other long-term, successful relationships.
