We update our computers, our cell phones, our wardrobe, and even the way our body looks but have you ever thought about updating something on the inside? One of the very most important things that you can do is review and update your beliefs. It may not sound as fun as updating your shoe collection but the results certainly are more profound!
Our beliefs are a funny thing. Although we are not even sure why we hold most of the beliefs that we do and often don't know where they came from, we all have a natural instinct to protect them. Like a mother protecting her young, we tend to vigorously guard our beliefs and hold them closely to us. We immediately feel defensive when they are challenged. Why do we naturally do this? Can you say, "Ego"?
Our beliefs are held deep inside just outside our inner core (Core Values). Admitting we have been operating under a faulty belief is very close to admitting that our core is faulty. In addition, harder than admitting we did one thing wrong is admitting we had an incorrect thought-process (belief) that led to numerous wrong results. Our egos don't like to admit that anything is wrong. However, it is essential to let your ego know that now isn't the time. No guarding right now--it's time for some house cleaning. The pain of updating your beliefs is nothing compared to the beauty of a transformed life! So, stay strong through the process...for some I know you may dig into some areas that are not too pleasurable, but it will all be worth it. You can do this!
Once again, there are many methods available. This particular method to search for and update your beliefs is simple and effective. The heart of it is a matter of asking the key question, "Why?" enough times. That's it. Simple enough? Here's how it works:
Step 1: Begin with a result that wasn't positive.
Step 2: Begin asking, "why?" working back from the Result to the Belief.
Step 3: Once you've worked back to the root belief, confirm it isn't an effective belief for good results, determine a replacement for it and confirm why the replacement will be a better belief. Ask the remaining three questions to accomplish this:
· How's it been working for me?
· What would be a better belief to replace it?
· Why do you think that will be a better belief?
The following is a real example of an individual using this approach exactly:
What do you regret?
Not finishing nursing school.
Why didn't you finish?
I got married and moved.
Why didn't you finish at a different school?
Too much work to start over.
Why did you feel it was too much?
It was easier to just quit.
Why do you belief that?
I have always believed, if you don't like it then don't do it.
How's that belief been working for you?
Not so well. I've quit everything.
What would be a better belief to replace that one with?
Never Quit. Give it your all.
Why do you think that will be a better belief?
The reward of the extra effort of feeling proud and self-accomplished, will far out weigh the feeling of regret by quitting.
Although the process isn't necessarily the most enjoyable, the results will transform your life! Take some time to identify some Results that weren't positive. Work back using the above process to identify the faulty belief. Finally, replace the belief with a new one. Use the area below to record your thoughts:
Negative Result Faulty Belief Replacement Belief
______________ _______________ ____________________
______________ _______________ ____________________
______________ _______________ ____________________
______________ _______________ ____________________
______________ _______________ ____________________
______________ _______________ ____________________
Another approach to identifying and updating your beliefs is to make a note of everything that is said in your head. This may sound absurd but most likely you will be shocked at what you hear when you really take time to make note of it. Often, our beliefs are established and/or reinforced by accepting what is being said in our head. Unfortunately, for many, their self-talk is horrific. Not only would most people not be friends with anyone that talked to them that way but they would consider them a jerk or other such names. From the moment many people wake up there is almost nothing but negative chatter going on in there. It is absolutely essential that two things happen with your self-talk: First, understand your role with it. Second, take control of it.
The first major realization is to understand that you are not the 'talker' in your head but rather the 'listener'. Hang with me; this goes a little deep. When something is said in our head, we naturally think that we 'said' it particularly because it's always in the first person--we consider it our thought. For example, you may mess up on something and suddenly in your head you 'say', "I'm so stupid." However, you didn't say it. You heard it. In other words, it was said to you that, "You are so stupid," but simply in the first person context so that you own it. With this clarity, you now have the ability to accept or reject this input. Prior to being the listener, you would naturally accept it as fact without consideration because you thought you said it. This will reek havoc on your self-worth and self-esteem lending you much more vulnerable to accept minimizing beliefs.
Understanding that you are not the talker but rather the listener in your head yields an entirely new level of awareness. This 'internal separation' immediately empowers you as you no longer are the unknowing victim of what is being said. It also identifies that fact that what is being said is not who you are but rather just something that you accepted as truth. This clarity is critical in order to have self-worth and confidently choose to accept or reject what is being said in your head.
When stormy dialog surrounds children they will often leave the room or even hide. As they hear parents arguing or worse as they will be verbally attacked themselves, they attempt to retreat from it all. However, things change as we grow up. As it is said, "What was once outside becomes inside." The negative attacks and critical voices that we ran from as children suddenly aren't outside anymore but rather are inside. Consequently, there is nowhere to hide. We hear critical voices and negative comments but there is no retreat. Unknowingly, we aren't separated from our thoughts and little by little we accept them as truth resulting in our belief of who we are.
Taking control of what's happening in your head is a matter of three steps:
Step 1: Awareness. Be aware of what is being said in your head and realize that you are the listener and not the talker.
Step 2: Accept or Reject. As you 'hear' what is being said in your head, simply accept it as true or reject it as false.
Step 3: Replace Negative with Positive. For everything you reject, replace it with something positive. This may be a positive affirmation or scripture. For example, you may say, "I reject that comment that I am stupid. Rather, I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me."
In order to trigger awareness to begin this process, give the following exercise a try. When you wake up in the morning, start writing down everything that comes into your mind regarding self talk. Listen carefully and remember it is tricky because it comes in the form of first person. However, as you write everything out throughout the day, you will quickly improve. By the end of the day, see what comes out. The process will bring your clarity as to what is being said in a typical day up there as well as begin to increase your awareness that it is happening. Once you are more aware of what is truly being said, you can then complete the other steps of accepting or rejecting and replacing the comments. Additionally, you can take a pro-active approach by planting positive seeds of affirmation or scripture in addition to responding to what is happening in your head. Of course, that is just for those who want to be in the accelerated class.
