Self Talk. The little voice in our head ready at all times to share non-requested commentary. It’s a beautiful thing. Well, it can be. For most, however, it is a voice of doubt, fear, worry, sarcasm, and etcetera. Think about it. It is typically negative commentary we hear in our head. How often are you interrupted with thoughts like, “I am so great. Wow. It’s awesome when you really ponder it a little bit. It’s going to be another great day…because I’m in it! Oh yeah, let my presence bless them all.” No, that is not our self talk. And, if it were, I would be writing about other issues such as delusion and pride.
Make a note of everything that is said in you head. This may sound absurd but most likely you will be shocked at what you hear when you really take time to make note of it. Our beliefs, which direct our thinking and consequently our life, are often established and/or reinforced by accepting what is being said in our head. Unfortunately, for many, their self-talk is horrific. Not only would most people not be friends with anyone that talked to them that way but they would consider them a jerk or other such names. Considering your self-talk, would you be your friend? From the moment many people wake up there is almost nothing but negative chatter going on in there. It is absolutely essential that two things happen with your self-talk: First, understand your role with it. Second, take control of it.
The first major realization is to understand that you are not the 'talker' in your head but rather the 'listener'. Hang with me; this goes a little deep. When something is said in our head, we naturally think that we 'said' it particularly because it's always in the first person--we consider it our thought. For example, you may mess up on something and suddenly in your head you 'say', "I'm so stupid." However, you didn't say it. You heard it. In other words, it was said to you that, "You are so stupid," but simply in the first person context so that you own it. With this clarity, you now have the ability to accept or regret this input. Prior to being the listener, you would naturally accept it as fact without consideration because you thought you said it. This will reek havoc on your self-worth and self-esteem lending you much more vulnerable to accept minimizing beliefs.
The second step is to take control of the process. Taking control of what's happening in your head is a matter of three steps:
Step 1: Awareness--Be aware of what is being said in your head and realize that you are the listener and not the talker.
Step 2: Accept or Reject--As you 'hear' what is being said in your head, simply accept it as true or reject it as false.
Step 3: Replace Negative with Positive--For everything you reject, replace it with something positive. This may be a positive affirmation or scripture. For example, you may say, "I reject that comment that I am stupid. Rather, I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me."
In order to trigger awareness to begin this process, give the following exercise a try. When you wake up in the morning, start writing down everything that comes into your mind regarding self talk. Listen carefully and remember it is tricky because it comes in the form of first person. However, as you write everything out throughout the day, you will quickly improve. By the end of the day, see what comes out. The process will make you aware of what happens in a typical day up there as well as begin to increase your awareness. Once you are more aware of what is truly being said, you can then complete the other steps of accepting or rejecting and replacing the comments. Additionally, you can take a pro-active approach by planting positive seeds of affirmation or scripture in addition to responding to what is happening in your head. Of course, that is just for those who want to be in the accelerated class.
