In Daniel Goleman's pioneering book, Emotional Intelligence, he discussed a study done with a group of four-year-olds and marshmallows. They tested the children’s EQ’s (Emotional Quotient – A term he coined) with the intent to determine whether it or IQ had a more profound effect on one’s future success.

In this study, the children were placed in a room individually at a table with a marshmallow. They were given the following proposal: The instructor is going to leave for about 10 minutes. If you wait until he returns, you can have two marshmallows for a treat. If you can't wait until then, you can only have one--but you can have it right now.

The results were dramatic. When observing these same children as they were graduating high school, in Goldman's own words, "Those who resisted the temptation at four were now, as adolescents, more socially competent: personally effective, self-assertive, and better able to cope with the frustrations of life. They were less likely to go to pieces, freeze, or regress under stress, or become rattled or disorganized when pressured; they embraced challenges and pursued them instead of giving up even in the face of difficulties; they were self-reliant and confident, trust-worthy and dependable; and they took initiative and plunged into projects. And, more than a decade later, they were still able to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals."

The point is that one’s success has much more to do with their EQ than their IQ. This should be great news because your IQ is fixed and never changes, however, your EQ can increase with personal development. Think about it; that should make sense. You may never be great at solving math problems but you can learn to walk away from that cake that you feel keeps calling your name.

As a fairly new area of psychological research, the definition of Emotional Intelligence is constantly changing. However, it generally includes the following abilities as described in Daniel Goleman's 1998 book, Working with Emotional Intelligence:
• Self-awareness - the ability to read one's emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
• Self-management - involves controlling one's emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness - the ability to sense, understand, and react to other's emotions while comprehending social networks.
• Relationship management - the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing conflict.

The success and significance of your life will be directly related to how well you work with others. There is simply no way around it. Your purpose will have to do with other people and the higher your EQ, the tighter your connection will be with them. Studying and understanding the science of Emotional Intelligence and raising your personal Emotional Quotient is one of the greatest self-development focuses you can have.

Before we leave the topic, however, here is a quick pop-quiz: You are driving home in your brand new dream car. Suddenly, you hear a loud bang coming off your right car door. You look in your side-view mirror only to see one of the young neighborhood boys standing on the curb. You realize he just threw a large rock and it slammed into the side of your car. Okay, how are you feeling? Mad? Disgusted? What do you do? Most people would stop, back up and confront the boy. Let's say you do. However, when you back up and park the car, the boy starts to run off over a mound of dirt behind the curb. You look at your new car and your door has a big dent in it. Do you follow him? A survey done says that most people would. However, when you catch up to the boy, he stops, looks at you and says, "I'm so sorry Mr." "Look! My brother was riding his bike when he fell and now he's unconscious. I couldn't get anyone to stop and help me so I had to throw the rock. I'm sorry. Please help my brother." Looking over, you do indeed see his brother laying on the ground not moving. How do you feel now? Are you still mad or disgusted?

Isn't it amazing how quickly our emotions and, therefore, our attitude can change? Now, let me ask you--what caused the change? The situation was the same all along. The only thing that changed was your understanding of all the facts. What if you didn't stop and just drove home mad. Once home, you tell your spouse about how terrible the little boy is and what a bad influence he is on the neighborhood. Your dialog leads to anger in your spouse who, in turn, shares it with others. Rumors begin to fly and damage is done. One of the simplest lessons to learn in order to begin raising your EQ is to not jump to conclusions.

Remember long-time radio personality Paul Harvey? He would get a newspaper and read a story sharing the facts as it was written. Then, he would pause and say his famous line, "And now for the rest of the story," adding facts and commentary that wasn't included in the original story. Once he finished, the listeners had a whole new understanding of what it was all about. Remember that line, and the possibility there is more to the story when events happen, and you will raise your EQ instantly. At least it’s a start. Join me in a life long commitment to this area of growth.