My college swim coach,
Gregg Wilson, has gone down in the coaching history
books with the NCAA record for most consecutive conference titles in
any sport with 23 straight Big West conference championships from 1979-2001.
One of his greatest strengths was his regular review of results and consequent
modifications. He would often start off his team meetings with the same
phrase, "Well, we had some good swims and some not so good
swims..." It was regular and predictable. In fact, often we
would all say it together as he would start. The success of this approach
is that the review was expected and, therefore, there was no real sting to
it. Nobody was hurt by it. It was just part of the routine and
necessary component of success. We would praise and acknowledge the
victories and we would learn together from the failures.
Reviewing the results of any process should include both of these activities: Celebrate the victories and learn from the failures. However, since nobody likes to feel like a failure, often people avoid the reviewing of results in order to skip the re-visiting of our failures.
Henry Cloud, psychologist, personal coach, and author of the book, Integrity, was performing a Q & A regarding raising children with successful character. A women raised her hand and asked, "If you could tell parents what the one thing is that is most important to teach their kids about success, what would it be?" The woman tilted her head, looked at him strangely, and said, "Why in the world would you want to teach them how to lose? After all, we were talking about success." The challenge here is that we confuse failing with failure and, consequently, not only do we not want to experience it, we don’t even want to discuss it. Here is a big key: You are not a failure just because you failed. Ironically, the path to success is paved with failure. That is, successful people are not people who never fail. In fact, I have met several extremely successful people who have introduced themselves as their company’s greatest ‘failures’. Although they are having fun with their ironic humor, the point is well taken; those who hit the most home runs are often the ones who also strike out the most. In fact, if you literally look at baseball’s Top 100 all time Strikeout Leaders, you will find names such as: Reggie Jackson, Sammy Sosa, Jose Canseco, Mickey Mantle, Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, and others. Have you ever heard of them? Would you consider them Baseball’s failures? Success is not the avoidance of failure. Success is a matter of learning from failure, bouncing back and swinging again. How are successful people able to do this? First, they create a habit of looking for the lesson. Second, they bounce back by personally detaching themselves from the event itself. · The Lesson A person’s response to failure is one of the greatest distinctions between those who succeed and those who don’t. When failure occurs, the average person naturally springs towards excuses or sympathy stories, while successful people go right to work on looking for the lesson. There is no value in simply complaining that something didn’t go well. In fact, not only does it use energy, focus your mind on the failure, but it sets you up for a repeat performance since you didn’t learn what to do differently next time (if there is a next time). Successful people are constantly learning, constantly striving to grow and understand that often their best lessons reside in their failures. Failure is a tool. It is something that you learn from. There is always a lesson hidden in your failure--what is it? If after you grab the lesson, aren't you one step closer to success? With this new knowledge you didn't previously have, aren't your odds of succeeding the next time better than before? If so, then who's to say that wasn't a valuable event in your life? It may not have been enjoyable or desirable, but it was valuable. Is it possible to succeed all the time? Absolutely. Why not consider a valuable event as just described as a successful one? That is, when you take a lesson away from an event, you have grown and are in a better position to succeed than before. Therefore, by equating value with success, you can rewrite the rules by which you operate. This may seem like logical rhetoric but once understood and accepted, the concept may well change your life. Consider changing the standard definition of success to the following new definition: Standard Definition of Success: · Success = Achievement of Goal · Failure = Failure to achieve Goal New Definition of Success: · Success = Achievement of Goal -OR- · Failure = Failure to achieve Goal without a lesson learned With the new definition of success, the only way to fail is to not learn! In other words, if you are always looking for the lesson, then whether you achieve the goal or not becomes secondary. With constant learning, it is only a matter of time until you realize your goal. In addition, this new perception should add to your ability to persevere. Although you may not feel the excitement of achieving your goal, you do have the added confidence of new knowledge and, therefore, a greater expectation of coming success. On May 29, 1953, Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to · The Detachment The ability to ‘bounce-back’ from failure also greatly distinguishes those who succeed and those who don’t. Unless you plan on succeeding the first attempt every time, having the ability to ‘bounce-back’ from failing to achieve your goal is crucial. We have all heard the simple saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” That is easier said than done unless you have learned the secret of detachment. Detachment is simply the process of disconnecting you from the actual activity. Consider the following quote by Thomas Edison from an interview published in the January 1921 issue of American Magazine. "After we had conducted thousands of experiments on a certain project without solving the problem, one of my associates, after we had conducted the crowning experiment and it had proved a failure, expressed discouragement and disgust over our having failed to find out anything. I cheerily assured him that we had learned something. For we had learned for a certainty that the thing couldn't be done that way, and that we would have to try some other way." Thomas Edison understood the difference between an experiment failing and personally failing. This clearly defined separation between the two, gave him the great advantage of being able to readily bounce-back with more experiments. As a result, we all enjoy the ramifications of his success today. After detaching yourself from the outcome of the event, further increase your emotional stability by detaching from the belief that the results will never change. That is, reality says sometimes the event will go well, sometimes it won't. By acknowledging this truth, you have now tempered your emotions. You won't be surprised when things go well nor when they do not because you understand that it is all part of the process of achievement. Now, don't misunderstand, I'm not suggesting that you don't visualize, affirm, and expect successful results. Of course you do! The idea is to do everything you can to succeed yet understand that sometimes you will hit your mark and sometimes you will not. Get used to saying, "And this too shall pass..." I have used this phrase a lot, particularly in business, to establish a long-term bounce-back ability. When things are not going well... "And this too shall pass." I'll remind myself and others that the poor results we are experiencing will pass and we'll be getting great results again. However, even when things are going extremely well... "And this too shall pass." Yes, it seems pessimistic and I'm not suggesting that you project on-coming doom for yourself, however, I am suggesting that just as things won't always be bad, they won't always be perfect either. This connection with reality will help motivate you to stay sharp during the good times and it will be valuable to you when you are looking forward to bouncing back after a tough time. As mentioned earlier, the bounce-back isn't too difficult if you never fell far down in the first place.
"I would teach them how to lose," he said.
"Because they will," he said.
Success = Failure to achieve Goal + Lesson learned
Often, people associate what they are doing with who they are. We have already discussed this concept, but it plays a big role at this point in success. When you associate what you are doing with who you are, you personalize everything that happens. That is, your being becomes depended upon the results of your doing. When the results are good, you are good. When the results are bad, you are bad. The key here is to detach yourself from the event. When you personalize the event, YOU feel like the failure. When you detach yourself from the event, you feel like the EVENT was a failure. This distinction is a major one. If YOU failed, it can really hurt emotionally and be difficult to bounce back from. If the EVENT failed, it is not so personal. Simply, learn from it and move on. Consequently, you aren’t necessarily down just because your results are. How do you bounce back quickly? Never fall too far down in the first place by not personalizing the failure.
