Discovering your purpose is exciting and obviously life transforming. Once you understand that you were uniquely designed to be just who you are, then it would make sense that you would have a specific purpose. Think about it, what object has ever been uniquely designed and produced without purpose in mind for it? The automobile was designed and produced to help people travel faster, farther and with more comfort. The telephone was designed and produced to increase our ability to communicate. Preparation-H, I've been informed, was designed and produced for puffy eyes. Just kidding...not totally. But, you get the point. Everything was designed and produced for a specific purpose and often, such as my last example, it may have related and surprisingly additional purposes to its original primary intent. The bottom line is that nothing was designed and produced without value and a purpose. Most importantly is that you grasp your value and purpose. 

After several hundred people took the time (thank you by the way) to respond to my On-Purpose survey, it is obvious how important this topic really is. The following is a quick listing of some of the results. I plan to address each of the topics listed below in the near future with the goal of assisting each person to truly discover and live life on-purpose rather than merely by accident.

Over 85% of people surveyed concluded that they are somewhat to not at all living their life on-purpose. Similarly, and I don't believe coincidently, nearly 80% of people stated that they are somewhat to not at all living with complete inner peace.

The following are questions which received less than 4% response as "100% Me":

My life expresses my life purpose.  2.74%
Those around me clearly know me as my life purpose.  2.11%
My work fully utilizes my talents and gifts.  3.93%
I regularly make time for personal restoration.  3.60%
I feel I am fully living my life.  1.82%
I have complete inner peace.  2.72%

Each of us was indeed designed and created for a specific purpose and to fulfill a specific assignment or calling. Combined, it is often referred to as your Life Purpose. Consequently, your Life's Mission (should you choose to accept it) is to discover, pursue, and fulfill your Life Purpose. The success of your life, therefore, will be directly related to the success of your mission.

I look forward to living a life On-Purpose with you!

 

Memorial Day Weekend is a special time recognizing those who gave their all defending the freedoms of others. Their sacrifice is the ultimate service one can give--their very own life. The price of freedom is expensive and I humbly and gratefully thank these heroes as well as everyone associated with them--their fellow soldiers, their friends, and their family. 

Today's post is specifically dedicated to my father's Uncle--my Great Uncle George.

He was a part of the Normandy D-Day invasion of WWII.  In fact, he was in one of the early waves landing on the beachfront via a Higgins boat. He knew his odds of survival were slim. A good friend of his, also in an early wave, wrote his parents a letter just before the invasion expressing his love to them and his gratitude for their love.  He requested that they honor him with a sense of pride, as he most likely would not be returning from this engagement. As a parent myself, I could only imagine the emotions I would feel reading such a letter from my son. 

The morning came and my Great Uncle George found himself amongst a number of other brave soldiers packed in a Higgins boat. The boat landed and everyone attempted to get out without being shot. He made it. As he left the boat and fell into the water, he and everyone else attempted to get out without being shot or drowning from the weight of their gear. He made it out and onto the beach. Amidst the raining down of bullets, exploding mines and mortars, he ran up the beach. Amazingly, he made it across the beach to the hillside. However, it was here where he was hit by a mortar ripping off part of his leg and sending shrapnel throughout his body.  He spun around and fell on his back. With continuing bullets flying everyplace, explosions and general chaos in all directions, my Great Uncle George lay on the upper beach with blood pouring from his body. 

At that moment, he pulled out a picture of his family and held it on his chest with his bloody hands. He held it tightly till he passed out. We know this because when the medics came and got him the following morning, he still had it clutched to his chest. After all, wasn't it for his family that he was laying on that beach giving his life so others could freely live theirs?  

Well, when the medics did pick him up, it is recorded that they yelled, "This one's not cold! He's still alive!" Somehow, through it all, he had not bled to death. And, long story short, operation after operation, he lived!  He lived to the point that when I was a small boy he told me this story himself. He showed me his reconstructed leg that was now several inches shorter than the other. He showed me the remaining shrapnel that could still be seen just under his skin. He told me about lying on his back holding the picture of his family he was certain he'd never see again. He told me all about it. Then, he looked at me and told me how his good friend and many others never did make it off that beach. He told me how the only way to give their deaths significance is not to take our freedom for granted. "Do something great with your life!"  He told me.      

The article below would not be a complete read without also reviewing the comments people have posted. The perspectives and personal insights shared in the comments are extremely valuable. Thank you to those who contributed. Some people need medical help and other people do not. Everyone, however, needs love.  Treat people with dignity as you are reminded, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."

I read an article stating that the USA could now be referred to as "Medicated America" because so many Americans (nearly 10%--two thirds being women) are taking antidepressant medication. In the poll I recently posted, “Which emotion do you experience most often?” the number one answer was: “Stress.” Yes, people are stressed out, tired, hopeless, full of worry, and, now more than ever, medicated.  Depressing, isn’t it?!  Oops…didn’t mean to say that.  J   Okay, let’s just say it isn’t uplifting! 

So, what’s happening?  First of all, antidepressant drugs are now plentiful and readily available.  Nearly half of those who take antidepressants have never actually received a psychiatric diagnosis or any mental health care beyond just the prescription of the drug. Many people simply feel stressed and are looking for something to help them.

Believe me...I understand facing difficult times in life and wishing to numb some pain. However, whether taking medication is the right thing or not for you to do (I’ll leave that between you and your doctor), I would like to encourage you to also take something else.  That something is a different perspective.  Rather than seeing your challenges and pain as something bad, see them as something to help mold you into something better.  There is a saying, “Don’t pray for an easier life.  Pray to be a bigger man/women.”  Sir Edmond Hillary, after summiting Mt. Everest said, “It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” It may not be easy but it will be worth it. 

At some point, you must choose to win in life even when life seems to have the upper hand. Ironically, however, the first step in this victory is to understand that your battle really isn’t against life but rather with yourself.  You can’t change what happens to you but you can learn to change how you assign meaning and respond to it. “Extraordinary change always starts with the act of reframing,” teaches author/speaker Malcolm Gladwell. If you want to change your life, first change the way you see it. Don’t see yourself a victim of life. See yourself polished by life’s abrasiveness.  Then, choose to take positive action.

Consider applying the following three principles in your life:

1. You control the meaning that you assign to the events of your life. Assign it wisely.

Every adversity that you face can add to your bitterness towards others and life in general or it can be the experience that makes you better. Your challenges can help you relate to people. They can help soften you so that you may feel more for other people. Your challenges may, in fact, cause you to reach out closer to your creator seeking comfort and guidance.

Consequently, although your past choices may well be the cause for your challenges, the present meaning you may assign to them can be positive.  For example, the challenges have been necessary in order to help me connect with other people better.  They have softened me and made me more sensitive.  They have led me to a closer relationship with my creator.  That is, there are many good, positive answers to the question of what is the meaning or purpose of all of this?  Search for a positive meaning and be transformed. 

2. Attack or be attacked.  Choose to attack life rather than waiting for life to attack you.

One of my former coaches used to say, “Don’t wait for your competitor to do the attacking.  That leaves you racing their race. You choose when to attack and make it your own race.”  I have found that life is the same way. You won’t get far curled-up waiting for life’s next blow to you. Rather, get up, decide where you are going and get on it! 

If you don’t like the decisions you have made in the past…attack wisdom! 
If you don’t like the quality of people you associate with…attack the creation of new friends!
If you don’t like the state of your physical condition…attack good health!
If you don’t like your financial situation…attack creating a new income stream!
If you don’t like to worry…attack a higher level of faith!
If you don’t like your life…attack living on-purpose (ie, discover your purpose and calling and live it!)

3. Motion creates emotion. Choose to act the way you wish you felt…and you’ll feel it.

When I was a kid, I remember my sister had a poster hanging on her wall with a picture of a sleeping polar bear and a caption that read, “Act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic.”  I thought the irony of poster was kind of funny yet never realized how truly powerful the caption really was.  It didn’t say, “When you feel enthusiastic you will act enthusiastic.” It made a profound point that motion will create emotion. If you will act the way you wish you felt, you’ll feel it.  When you feel happy, your brain naturally triggers your eyes to look up and your face to smile.  However, if you start looking up and smiling, interestingly it will trigger your brain that you are starting to feel happy. Seems nuts?  Give it a try. 

Want to feel grateful?...start writing down what you are grateful for and really think on it. 
Want to feel happy?...serve others to help them be happy. 
Want to feel energized?...get into motion and go after something you value!

How about if you decide to take on life by taking on yourself?  We can continually look for ways to further escape life and its apparent challenges, or we can fully embrace it. Carefully assign meaning to the events in your life.  Choose to positively attack the areas in life you wish to improve rather than waiting for those areas of your life to attack you.  Finally, choose to get into motion--letting your motion create your emotion rather than waiting for the emotion to arrive first. Remember Helen Keller’s words, “Life is a daring bold adventure or it is nothing at all.”  Live bold and love life.

 

 

Let me begin by sincerely thanking all the readers of this blog and acknowledging you for seeking to grow and improve your life.  Currently, this blog has readers from around fifty countries including: United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Australia, Greece, Ireland, India, Germany, Spain, Bahamas, Czech Republic, New Zealand, Philippians, Republic of Korea, Finland, Malaysia, Switzerland, Brazil, Netherlands, Romania, Sweden, Mexico, Ecuador, Norway, South Africa, Indonesia, Turkey, Haiti, Singapore, Japan, The Democratic Republic of the Congo, Jamaica, Belgium, Italy, U.S. Virgin Islands, Latvia, Kuwait, Sri Lanka, Trinidad and Tobago, Ethiopia, Austria, Slovakia, Guatemala, Russian Federation, Portugal, Poland, Hungry, United Republic of Tanzania (The countries are listed in order of traffic each has generated to the site).

I am deeply committed to doing all that I can to fulfill my God-given purpose to lead, teach and inspire people.  I certainly do not claim to an expert by any form of the imagination.  In fact, I am a “work in progress” myself.  However, I hope my experiences, studies, and thoughts can be of value to you.

Today, I would like to recognize a very special person, Wendy.  I want the world to know who she is and why I think she is so special.  I hope you will gain strength by her example.  

Wendy is like all of us…doing the very best she can as she travels through this thing called life.  She has struggles and victories…good days and, well … not so good days.  And, although anyone can see her outward beauty, what’s going on inside is what I want to share with you. 

First of all, Wendy is a survivor.  Although very well put together on the outside, independent, and seemingly flawless, she is truly fragile and fearful internally.  Anyone relate?  She endured some very difficult challenges as a child, had a hard time with school (although exceptionally bright), and questioned herself thanks to the comparison game.  After school, she never began the career she wanted to pursue, but rather took a different path in life which, ultimately, led her to wake up one day tired and concerned as a struggling single mother caring for a young son diagnosed with Autism. 

Now the challenges, although specific to her, may not be unusual in your life either.  Just as M Scott Peck said in the opening line of his book, The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult.”  Yes, it is.  In fact, in my latest poll, “Which of these emotions do you experience most often?”  Stress was the predominant answer.  Consequently, my amazement with Wendy is not that she has had some challenges to face in life, but rather how she has chosen to face them.  She will always be the first to offer a smile to someone.  She is bubbly.  She is positive.  She is up-lifting.   She is a true survivor not because she has encountered challenges and is alive today, but rather she is true survivor because she has weathered storms without her heart hardening.  She has not let her circumstances make her, but rather she has chosen well what to make of her circumstances.   She is a great example to everyone facing life’s challenges.

Wendy is hungry to grow personally and spiritually.  I always respect the people I meet that have developed themselves.  However, what inspires me are the people that are hungry to grow regardless of their current level of development.  Wendy has centered her life around her faith and her desire to grow seems itself to continue growing.  She is constantly reading and learning.  She is not the same person she was last year and I doubt she will be the same person she is next year.  How could anyone stay the same with so much hunger and effort towards growth?  Wendy’s example consistently inspires me to grow and be, “New and improved” rather than, “The same model, just one year older.”  Let her example inspire you too.

Wendy has a huge heart for hurting people.  It is what stirs her emotionally.  Show her some footage of sick and hurting orphans and you had better get her some tissue.  She hurts deeply and quickly for those who hurt—particularly the very young or elderly.  If you were to ask some people what stirs them emotionally, many people wouldn’t have an answer.  They just don’t know.  However, the greatest clue to your assignment in life – that is, what God has called you to do with your gifts – is given by what stirs your soul.  I love how her soul stirs for those who are in need of help and are hurting.  Wendy’s heart is so big for them that I have no doubt in my mind her life will reflect making a great difference in the world.  Have you taken the time to discover what stirs your soul?  Do you know what will cause someone to need to grab you some tissue?    

Wendy has an amazing God-given gift of humor.  I see her making people smile and laugh everywhere she goes.  Her quick wit is beyond understanding.  It is truly a gift.  What is really amazing is to see her gift naturally apply to her passion towards helping those who are hurting; as she says when talking about the suffering children in third world countries, “If I can just bring a smile to one child’s face…”  What is most remarkable, however, is how at one time she didn’t even accept her humor as an important gift.  “How could being funny be an important gift?” she asked once.  It came so natural to her that she didn’t see the big deal in it.  Isn’t that the case with so many people?  What comes naturally to you (your God-given gifts), you can easily downplay, miss their uniqueness to you, and often even miss the importance of their application in life.  You walk right pass what you are called to do looking for what you think you should do.  Ironic, isn’t it?  Are you downplaying your gifts like Wendy did at one time?  Your gifts lead to your purpose in life.  Apply your purpose and fulfill your calling.

Finally, Wendy is a dreamer.  She is willing, even when she is fearful, to dream.  She has not let her past define her future.  I love her dreams of a happy family and fulfilling God’s purpose for her to make a difference in people’s lives…even if it’s just to bring a smile to one child’s face.  Wendy could have given up on her dreams, but she didn’t.  She could have excused herself from the playing field of life, but she didn’t.  I admire her courage.  I hope she inspires you to connect with your dreams.  I hope you will pull them out and share them with the world like Wendy.

There are some people that seem to be drifting through life who make little or no impact on you.  There are others who make some impact that help you become a better person.  However, a few people cross the path of your life that are truly significant and impact you greatly.  Wendy is one of those people to me.  In fact, she has dramatically impacted me and I deeply respect, admire, and love her.  I am grateful to God for bringing her into my life and today I hope you are as well. 

So, what's going on in the inside?  As you travel through this thing called life, you certainly get to experience a range of emotions.  However, if you had to boil it down to the most predominant one, which one would it be?  (And, yes, I know there is no "Other" catagory this time.  )

 

What if you only had 30 days to live?  What would you do?  I know it may be a disturbing question, and I realize that I'm asking it on April fool's day, but entertain it just for a moment.  If that was suddenly your situation, what would become your main focus?  Please click on the survey to provide your answer. 

Now, with that uplifting thought, enjoy your day!  :-) Really!

 

Hey Everyone--"All three of you!"  (to quote my friend Chris Brady ),

First, I want to thank you.  My goal with this blog is to be a service to lead, teach and inspire people to live life to its fullest.  Yet, I have received a great number of wonderful comments that have personally touched and inspired me!  So, thank you.

Second, in order to make this blog all that it can be, I am looking for your feedback.  I would love to hear from you as to what you would like to see here--topics, ideas, questions,...?

Although I have been light in posting this month, I haven't been short in writing.  In fact, much of what I have been writing I plan to publish later in the year. But for now, please let me know how this blog can best serve you. 

Thanks and God Bless.  Chuck

 

Take a look at the photo...check out the poor kid in the middle?  Have you ever felt like you were being squeezed by the less desirable aspects of life?  The pressure is significant, you may not be sure how long you will feel this way, and all the while you are cruising down the road of life. 

 

First, let’s establish the fact that, although at the moment it may be hard to believe, your life has purpose and meaning.  In fact, you were specifically and uniquely designed to fulfill an assignment on earth and you have gifts intended to be used for your purpose. 

 

Unfortunately, however, some people have a hard time believing that their life could have any particular purpose.  "I was just an accident" I have heard many times.  "How do you know?" I always ask.  "My parents told me..." is typically the response. 

 

Friends, nobody is an accident.  Your life is not an accident.  As Rick Warren, author of The Purpose-Driven Life, has said, "There are accidental parents. There are no accidental children. There are illegitimate parents. There are no illegitimate children. Your parents may not have planned you but God planned you. Really it doesn't matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent. They may have even abandoned you. But they were the parents God chose for you. Why? Because they had just the right DNA to create you. And God was more interested in making you than He was in their parenting skills."  Interestingly, Pope Clement VII, Leonardo da Vinci, Alexander Hamilton and even Josephine de Beauharnais (Napoleon's wife) have something in common...they were all born of illegitimate 'parents'. 

 

How did you get here?  Choices—the choices made by you and by others.  The good news is that regardless of how much we all mess things up there is God that desires to make good of it all.  Follow the process—

 

Stuff Happens.  I know that my not be the most popular version of the saying but the meaning is the same.  Stuff happens and it happens for a reason all right—people make choices and there are consequences because of them.  Unfortunately, we all make poor choices throughout our life.  Hopefully, we learn from them.  However, in the meantime people are affected by our choices just as we are affected by the choices of others. 

 

Our ability to choose—our freewill—is God’s greatest blessing and curse that He gave us.  If we didn't have freewill, then we really wouldn't be living.  Rather, we would simply be puppets with strings attached to the hands of God.  We would merely be an extension of His imagination.  We certainly wouldn't have a purpose to fulfill anymore than does a doll laying on your child's bedroom floor.  We would be more like a programmed robot sent to earth.  A program has predetermined functionality--if this...then that...  No, we are not puppets with strings nor are we programmed robots walking the earth.  We are living, thinking, and personally responsible beings.  We exercise our freewill to act and, consequently due to our poor choices, the world is no longer a perfect place. If God were not to allow evil to happen, then He would have to stop our freedom of choice.  

 

If our freewill to make poor choices is what causes stuff to happen in the world, then why did God give us freewill?  The Bible says that we were created to love God.  In fact, Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:36-37) However, if God forced us to love Him than obviously it wouldn’t be true love, would it?  Only if one has the ability not to love but chooses to love anyway, is it genuinely true love.  Consequently, God gave us the freewill to choose to love Him or reject him.  That freewill extends to choices we make throughout our life. 

 

What is awe-inspiring, however, is regardless of how bad our choices are and those of the people around us--regardless of the mess that we may have made of life--God can ultimately use it all for our good. It is during these difficult times that our character is developed in such a way that we obtain the ability to fulfill our purpose.  How amazing is that?  God will take our struggles and use them for our strength.  Helen Keller said, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved."  Gothe simply said, "Character develops itself in the stream of life."  Ironically, struggles are necessary to achieve greatness.  Just as a butterfly must go through the struggle of freeing itself from its cocoon in order to develop the strength to fly, we too must grow from our struggles in order to fulfill our mission.  

 

The real question is can you say, "This is will all be for good," during the tough time prior to understanding how it worked out for you?  It is about having faith.  Given God made you for a purpose and has a plan for your life, can you have faith in Him?  A powerful verse in the Bible says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  (Romans 8:28)  Your degree of peace during difficulties reveals your faith.  Imagine the peace you would feel with the security of knowing that the God of the universe has your best interest in mind.  It's like seeing a movie for the second time and knowing all along how well it all works out in the end.  It's a lot more relaxing, isn't it?  

 

So, if you are the child on squeezed in the middle of life, don’t ask, “How did I get here?… Rather, thank God that somehow, someway your experience can be used for good.  Smile.  Have faith.  You are just passing through one frame of the movie of your life. 

Last night I had dinner with some dear friends and I asked about the story behind the Purple Heart that hung on his office wall. “Can you tell me about that?” I asked. “We saved the flag” was his immediate response. “There were only two of us left, but we saved the flag.” Piece by piece of the dramatic, lengthy battle came out until I felt an overwhelming sense of pride and gratitude toward the courageous man that stood before me. The stab wound on his leg, and the several operations that followed, left a very visible marking of the event many years later. He is a Marine, a Vietnam veteran and, although he won’t accept the title, a modern-day hero.

FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
I watched the flag pass by one day.
It fluttered in the breeze
A young soldier saluted it, and then
He stood at ease.
I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud
With hair cut square and eyes alert
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil?
How many mothers' tears?
How many Pilots' planes shot down?
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?
No Freedom is not free
I heard the sound of taps one night,
When everything was still.
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That taps had meant "Amen"
When a flag had draped a coffin of a brother or a friend.
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard At the bottom of the sea
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No Freedom isn't free!

©Copyright 1981 by Kelly Strong
(posted with permission of the author)

Today, we experience many freedoms because of the sacrifices of others. Our freedoms are so plentiful and available that we naturally tend to take them for granted. Where do you live? What do you do for a living? It’s your choice. Have you been grateful lately for those freedoms? You have the freedom of speech and the freedom to worship God in your own way.

However, what if men and women over time weren’t willing to stand up for what was right and fight for the flags of freedom? Imagine how different your life would be right now. I want to encourage you to do two things:

• Stand up for what you believe in.
• Acknowledge others who have stood up before you.

Stand up for what you believe in. Ultimately, the greatest success you can have is being able to look in the mirror and see a winner looking back. Don’t do something because you think you ‘should’ do it, because your neighbor is doing it, or because you are pressured to do it. Rather, determine what is right, plant your flag and stand by it because you believe in it. Will there be consequences? Of course there will—either way. However, at the end of the day only one choice allows you to enjoy the self-respect that comes from following your convictions.

Yes, it’s true—freedom isn’t free. Benjamin Franklin said, “They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security.” Robert Frost simply wrote, “Freedom lies in being bold.”

This post is an acknowledgement of my friend Ron, and all the other bold men and women, who “saved the flag” of freedom. I woke up on this beautiful day, February 10, 2008 with a renewed appreciation of freedom and I thank everyone who has made it possible.

When you squeeze a Banana, does orange juice come out? When you squeeze a tomato do you find apple juice? Of course not. When you squeeze something, the real thing comes out. That is, what's really inside really comes out. Amazing isn't it? Well, here's a better question: When you are squeezed, what comes out? ... Let the question just sit for a moment... When you are squeezed, what comes out? You see, adversity doesn't develop character, it reveals it. Does your answer put a smile on your face or is it concerning? When squeezed, does love come out? Anger? Compassion? What are you so filled with that it is what must come out? Okay, some of you may not like the answer. But, no worries, if you want something different to come out, then simply start filling yourself up with something new.

There is a story told by author John Maxwell in his book, Think on These Things--Meditations for Leaders, that illustrates this point. In his own words:

"Several years ago I read a true story...For four decades East Berlin was controlled by the Communists. West Berlin was free. One day some people who lived in East Berlin took a truckload of garbage and dumped it on the West Berlin side. The people of West Berlin could have retaliated by doing the same thing. But instead they took a truckload of canned goods, bread, and milk and neatly stacked it on the East Berlin side. On top of this stack of food they placed the sign: 'Each gives what he has.'"

One of the most important things you can choose to fill up with is Gratitude. Gratitude will show up as patience, peace, love, compassion and humility. It will change the way you see the world and everything in it. Gratitude begins with faith and is obtained by reframing the way you see things. One perspective may lead to pride while another perspective regarding the same situation can lead to gratitude. It's all a matter of your perspective and it is your choice to decide.

"There but for the grace of God, go I." This quotation, expressing that someone's misfortune could easily have happened to oneself or anyone at all, is commonly traced back to the British Protestant reformer John Bradford (b. 1510 - d. 1555). He is said to have made the remark, "There but for the grace of God, go John Bradford," upon seeing criminals on their way to execution. He chose not to be prideful but rather humble due to his perspective that if it wasn't for the grace of God, it could well have been himself on his way to execution. Can you get there mentally or are you certain that if you lived their life it still wouldn’t be you? It is difficult to be arrogant when you are grateful for grace. He also understood that he can still stand up for the principles he believes in while feeling humble rather than prideful towards those who have fallen short of the mark. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “He who you will change, you must first love.” Have discord with actions but love people. Be grateful for God’s grace.

Be grateful for what you have been given rather than upset over what you don't have or feel has been taken from you. What you have has been gifted to you. Count your blessings. Be grateful. All too often people complain: "I don't have enough money." "My home is a mess." "My kids are tiring." "There's nothing to eat in this house." "I'm not in good enough shape." Have you ever heard people say these things? I'm sure they are all true and, therefore, the feelings behind them are valid. However, if we want things to be better in our life we must learn to reframe them; put things into a different context. Don't try to "stuff" your feelings but rather change the perspective and your feelings will follow. To feel gratitude, change the perspective from looking at your situation from someone who is worse off than you. "I don't have enough money." Consider: Some people don't have any money at all. "My home is a mess." Consider: Millions of people are homeless. "My kids are tiring." Consider: Countless number of people want kids but can't have any. They would gladly be a tired parent. "There's nothing good to eat in this house." Consider: Millions of people are starving to death and could only dream of your last meal. "I'm not in good enough shape." Consider: Millions of people are battling cancer, AIDS, and other bodily diseases.

If you truly focus on this new perspective even when you "don't feel like it," you will notice the release of tension and a new attitude of gratitude will come over you. I know it can be hard because when we don't feel happy we don't feel like changing a perspective on anything. But, remember, your victory comes from growing through your struggles. Now, don't misunderstand, I'm not advocating not caring about improving your situation. However, I am suggesting that all the while you can always choose a perspective that fosters an attitude of gratitude. Will it make a difference in your life and in your pursuit towards fulfilling your Life Mission? Absolutely! Watch how an attitude of gratitude will draw key people closer to you along with more things for which to be grateful.

Consider if you have kids, what do you feel when they are complaining that they don't have this or that? Do you feel a sense of urgency to get it for them or do you feel frustrated or unappreciated for what you have provided? How do you suppose God feels about you? Your life and everything in it has been a gift to you. But, you have worked hard for everything? I'm sure you have. But, where did your ambition come from? It's all a gift. Be grateful even for the little things. A man was running late to a job interview and trying to park his car. He prayed, "God please give me a parking spot so I can make this interview." Just then, a car starts to pull out. Immediately the man says, "Oh, never mind God, I just found one." Yes, it is easy not to credit our gifts. Live with an attitude of gratitude and see if it is not true that more good comes your way.

 • "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

• "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

• "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

• "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

• "Cowardice asks the question, 'Is it safe?' Expediency asks the question, 'Is it politic?' Vanity asks the question, 'Is it popular?' But, conscience asks the question, 'Is it right?' And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must take it because one's conscience tells one that it is right."



It was August 28, 1963 on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, when one of the defining moments in the American civil rights movement occurred in front of over two hundred thousand people as Martin Luther King, Jr. passionately shared the words, "I have a Plan..." Or, was it, "I have a Dream..." The plan wouldn't have inspired the people to pay the price of the following struggle, but the casting of a dream did. Without a dream first, nothing happens. How different is America and the rest of the world today because he dared to dream such a dream?

I hope you build the dream of your life to be big. I hope it gives you goose-bumps! In fact, I hope it is big enough that you realize you can't do it by yourself and, consequently, find yourself humbly falling to your knees for help. A small dream won’t lead you to do that. Doesn't it make sense to ask God for help? What could you accomplish with Him as your partner? More importantly, how would you accomplish it?

Martin Luther King, Jr. wasn’t only known for giving great speeches and leading people and change, but he was known for the way he did it. He believed that "the Christian doctrine of love operating through the Gandhian method of nonviolence was one of the most potent weapons available to oppressed people in their struggle for freedom.”(1)

In his own words:

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.

You may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. You may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate, nor establish love. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is not an article regarding nonviolent resistance nor should it confuse anyone as to my feelings of sincere and deep gratitude for all the many soldiers who are serving and sacrificing currently for the cause of freedom. Rather, on this day of Martin Luther King, Jr., I am noting that not only did he own a big dream, but he also carefully considered the method by which he chose to fulfill it.

Those who chase their dream with the ‘whatever it takes’ attitude will, unfortunately, have quite an awakening when they realize they sacrificed something greater than their dream if the process wasn’t in alignment with their Core Values. Without clarity of our Core Values and a commitment to making decisions in alignment to them, we will naturally default to fear-based decision making. That is, we will make decisions in our own best interest at the moment in order to avoid the manifestations of our fears.

For example, suppose it is recommended to you to do something at work that compromises your integrity. Internally, it may not 'feel' right. But, if you are not clear on your Core Values or committed to Core-Value decision making, you may well find yourself doing that something out of a fear—in this case, the fear of financial-insecurity. You did it because you feared what you may face financially if you didn’t.

The Christian worldview believes that God will provide for our needs so there is no reason to ever compromise our values. Have you ever noticed how many dramatic changes in the world came from men and women of great faith? Great faith leads to great courage. Or, as the Roman philosopher and orator, Cicero said, “A man of courage is also full of faith.”

In upcoming posts, I will discuss the extreme importance of defining, prioritizing and living by your Core Values. I’ll discuss apparent value-conflicts as well as the ‘Should-Values’ that we mistake as Core Values. Sound boring? Well, if it is excitement that you are looking for, then try recovering from bad decision making due to unclear Core Values. That will spice up your life! Making decisions that maintain alignment between your actions and your Core Values is a key to inner peace. It’s about ‘supporting yourself’.

On this great day of celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr.’s life and contribution, I want to encourage you to dream big, seek His guidance, and stay true to yourself.





(1) King Jr., Martin Luther, "Pilgrimage to Nonviolence.” The Christian Century 77 (13 April 1960), pp. 439-41.

In Daniel Goleman's pioneering book, Emotional Intelligence, he discussed a study done with a group of four-year-olds and marshmallows. They tested the children’s EQ’s (Emotional Quotient – A term he coined) with the intent to determine whether it or IQ had a more profound effect on one’s future success.

In this study, the children were placed in a room individually at a table with a marshmallow. They were given the following proposal: The instructor is going to leave for about 10 minutes. If you wait until he returns, you can have two marshmallows for a treat. If you can't wait until then, you can only have one--but you can have it right now.

The results were dramatic. When observing these same children as they were graduating high school, in Goldman's own words, "Those who resisted the temptation at four were now, as adolescents, more socially competent: personally effective, self-assertive, and better able to cope with the frustrations of life. They were less likely to go to pieces, freeze, or regress under stress, or become rattled or disorganized when pressured; they embraced challenges and pursued them instead of giving up even in the face of difficulties; they were self-reliant and confident, trust-worthy and dependable; and they took initiative and plunged into projects. And, more than a decade later, they were still able to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals."

The point is that one’s success has much more to do with their EQ than their IQ. This should be great news because your IQ is fixed and never changes, however, your EQ can increase with personal development. Think about it; that should make sense. You may never be great at solving math problems but you can learn to walk away from that cake that you feel keeps calling your name.

As a fairly new area of psychological research, the definition of Emotional Intelligence is constantly changing. However, it generally includes the following abilities as described in Daniel Goleman's 1998 book, Working with Emotional Intelligence:
• Self-awareness - the ability to read one's emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
• Self-management - involves controlling one's emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness - the ability to sense, understand, and react to other's emotions while comprehending social networks.
• Relationship management - the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing conflict.

The success and significance of your life will be directly related to how well you work with others. There is simply no way around it. Your purpose will have to do with other people and the higher your EQ, the tighter your connection will be with them. Studying and understanding the science of Emotional Intelligence and raising your personal Emotional Quotient is one of the greatest self-development focuses you can have.

Before we leave the topic, however, here is a quick pop-quiz: You are driving home in your brand new dream car. Suddenly, you hear a loud bang coming off your right car door. You look in your side-view mirror only to see one of the young neighborhood boys standing on the curb. You realize he just threw a large rock and it slammed into the side of your car. Okay, how are you feeling? Mad? Disgusted? What do you do? Most people would stop, back up and confront the boy. Let's say you do. However, when you back up and park the car, the boy starts to run off over a mound of dirt behind the curb. You look at your new car and your door has a big dent in it. Do you follow him? A survey done says that most people would. However, when you catch up to the boy, he stops, looks at you and says, "I'm so sorry Mr." "Look! My brother was riding his bike when he fell and now he's unconscious. I couldn't get anyone to stop and help me so I had to throw the rock. I'm sorry. Please help my brother." Looking over, you do indeed see his brother laying on the ground not moving. How do you feel now? Are you still mad or disgusted?

Isn't it amazing how quickly our emotions and, therefore, our attitude can change? Now, let me ask you--what caused the change? The situation was the same all along. The only thing that changed was your understanding of all the facts. What if you didn't stop and just drove home mad. Once home, you tell your spouse about how terrible the little boy is and what a bad influence he is on the neighborhood. Your dialog leads to anger in your spouse who, in turn, shares it with others. Rumors begin to fly and damage is done. One of the simplest lessons to learn in order to begin raising your EQ is to not jump to conclusions.

Remember long-time radio personality Paul Harvey? He would get a newspaper and read a story sharing the facts as it was written. Then, he would pause and say his famous line, "And now for the rest of the story," adding facts and commentary that wasn't included in the original story. Once he finished, the listeners had a whole new understanding of what it was all about. Remember that line, and the possibility there is more to the story when events happen, and you will raise your EQ instantly. At least it’s a start. Join me in a life long commitment to this area of growth.