Last week I was listening to a message given by Rick Warren on the topic of Anger. It was exceptionally good. It was pointed, informative and immediately applicable.

Now, I know that nobody reading this has an anger problem...but the people around you could certainly use some work, right? If everyone would just align with your thinking, then things would be just fine! I understand. However, that probably won't happen so an alternative to gaining personal peace is receiving some specific teaching on understanding and managing anger.

The first point I'd like to make is to acknowledge that many people naturally assume that anger is evil or just wrong. That is not true. The Bible points out that God gets angry. The key is to understand that there is righteous anger and unjust anger. If someone attacks your family, I would expect you to be angry and I'd be concerned if you were not. In fact, if you never get angry about anything then I would encourage you to investigate the cause of your apathy. Considering all the wrongs that exist in the world, there is no place for an apathetic heart. Take a stand.

So, how do you process anger? Are you the kind that goes extreme?! Does your face get beat red, neck veins pop out, arms flail about, and lungs workout as you scream at the world? Perhaps, you are the other extreme--closed up with the warmth of an ice-cube (Am I being too direct in this post?). Either way, whether your feelings are just or not, as we age the idea is that we also mature. Let's learn how to process and manage our anger with a raised level of maturity. Would it be worth it? Would a more mature approach to anger assist you with your relationships at home, work and in life in general? I know that answer to that. :)

Consider the following six steps:

1. Resolve to manage it. The first step in making a change in your life is to decide to make a change. Knowledge without the decision will lack impact on your life.

2. Remember the cost. Often it is easier to make a firm decision to change something when you clearly recall the previous cost of not changing. When the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain to change, you will do something about it.

3. Reflect before reacting. If you remember nothing else when the anger emotion hits, remember to pause. Have you ever instantly reacted and regretted it later? If it is really so bad, odds are you will have time to share your anger later. This doesn't mean to wait forever, it simply means to pause and reflect.

When YOU are angry, first reflect by asking 3 questions:
1. Why am I angry?
2. What is it that I really want?
3. How can I get what I want?

Pausing and asking yourself these three questions will almost certainly give you a better chance of getting what you want than simply reacting instantly and immaturely.

When OTHERS are angry, consider which of these 3 roots are the cause:
1. Hurt
2. Frustration
3. Fear (Feeling trapped, Afraid, Insecure)

Pausing and considering which of anger's three root causes is behind someone's anger, will set you up to understand and respond appropriately. Often a person's anger won't ignite you so easily when you have considered that their hurt, frustration or fear is really behind it. Suddenly, instead of simply feeling attacked by an angry person, you will see someone who is struggling.

4. Release anger appropriately

-Don't Suppress it! That is, don't stuff it. Suppressed anger causes ulcers, causes the typical "pain in the ...." situation that affects your health.

-Don't Repress it! That is, don't deny it. Repressed anger is also referred to as "Frozen Rage" or more commonly "Depression." Denying something that has angered you can lead to depression.

-Don't Express it! That is, don't just let it out. Often the expression of your anger can lead to larger problems than that which caused your anger in the first place!

-Confess it! The key is to confess your anger and the cause behind it.

5. Re-pattern your mind. The way you currently manage anger has been modeled for you. Someone gave you an example to follow. Unless you specifically choose to re-pattern the way you think, nothing will change and you will pass on the model to others. However, by associating with people who offer new thought processes and better resulting behavior models, you can re-pattern you mind. Ready to change your life?

6. Rely on God's help. Remember, what's on the inside comes out when you are squeezed. Your mouth reveals your heart; the problem is in your heart not your mouth. The heart of the problem is a problem in the heart. We need a heart transplant!

A person with a harsh/cutting tongue reveals an angry heart.
A person with a negative tongue reveals a fearful heart.
A person with a boasting tongue reveals an insecure heart.
A person with a judgmental tongue reveals a guilty heart.
A person with a critical tongue reveals a bitter heart.
A person with a filthy tongue reveals an impure heart.
A person with an encouraging tongue reveals a happy heart.
A person with a gentle tongue reveals a loving heart.
A person with a loving/controlling of words tongue reveals a peaceful heart.